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Foster Care

Well – we have a peace about what we are supposed to do….  We do not feel called to foster again.  Deep breath (for me that is)…. Aaron and I had been praying about it for quite some time and when we talked the other night, we both felt the same way.  God is closing the door.  Some say for now… but I really feel like God wants me to close it all the way.  He could change that later but for now I feel as if He wants me to move forward and not focus on the “maybe later”.

 

Friends, this is hard for me. Hard for us.  A friend of mine put it perfectly when she said, “it is hard to let go of something that has defined you for so long.”  Yes!  It is indeed so hard!  It has been such a big part of who we are & of who we have become.  It is a huge part of our faith journey.  It has shaped us – molded us.  Okay, you get the point.  It has been big.  But, we only want God’s will for our lives.

 

I was just so sure that we would do foster care again.  Just thought it was our next step.  But, it is not. With this chapter closing in our lives it is causing some heart ache over our little girl.  It is indeed another step that is helping me let go – move on.  It is not easy.

 

I am thankful that God has yet again answered our prayers and given us a peace about what He wants us to do.  And we both have that same peace.

 

I will tell you, this does leave me wondering what God will call us to next.  I am excited about that but at the same time it makes me start to try and figure it out – plan it.  My mom told me, “Just enjoy where God has you right now. Enjoy the blessings.  And just wait on Him – stop planning.”  She knows me too well….  But she is so right.  I want to just enjoy life and not miss it because I am so busy trying to plan the future.  Especially when the future is not in my hands.

 

Thans to all of you who have prayed for us on our journey with foster care and who joined along side us. It is much appreciated.

 

~Kristen

 

I may have more to say about this later… after all, we just made the decision and I am still processing it.

 

Bye for now!

Waiting on the Lord

I want to blog.  I miss blogging.  But life has been so busy.  We moved and, well, that is really enough said.  But beyond that, I keep sitting down to write and I can’t gather my thoughts.  But it is because my heart is focused on foster care and if God wants us to move forward with it.

 

I thought that we would for sure start classes in the fall to get re-certified for foster care….  but as I sit here, writing this, I am unsure of what we will do.  We have such a passion for foster children.  Such a passion.  But, is right now Gods timing for us to start it all up again?  We don’t know. Friends, foster care is hard.  It really is and it demands a lot of us.  So on one hand we have the passion and on the other hand the reality of it.  Don’t get me wrong… there are so many realities beside just the hard ones.  We get the honor and the privilege of having one of God’s children in our home – to love them and care for them in their time of distress.  What an amazing honor that is. We get an opportunity to meet the birth families and to show Christ. To be His hands and feet.  But, let me now take you back to the other realities of foster care…. the hard ones.  When we say yes we take on a lot.  And with that usually comes driving to visits three times a week for 2-3 hours each time.  I am busy.  I have two children – and we have a lot going on – not to mention that I Homeschool…. All that to say, I am scared that it will be too much.  I am in a really comfortable place in life.  And part of me doesn’t want that to change.  I want what is best for our girls.  Maybe that is being able to have more time and not doing foster care.  Or maybe what is best for them is to join alongside their Daddy and I and love on these children.

 

The fact that we don’t know what the right decision is means that God has not given us direction yet… perhaps He is trying and I am talking too loud to hear Him.  You know – I’m trying so hard to make the right choice based on pros and cons.  But, God does not always work that way.  We hear God when we sit still.  We don’t have to make the decision – it is too big for us to make – we just need to wait on the Lord and then be faithful. We need to trust that His plan is best.  That if we listen to Him there are no mistakes.  That we can do all things through Him.  I am sure he gets a kick out of me at times…. I am so busy trying to figure it out when all He wants me to do is sit still and listen.

 

The last time we did foster care we felt such a peace that it is what God wanted.  We look back and would not change a thing.  Not a thing.  Because we know God’s will was done.  And we want His will again – whatever that is.

 

God does not give us more then we can handle.  So, when I said earlier that I am wondering if it is too much – the answer is yes.  Foster care would for sure be too much without God.  But with Him, well, it’s not – even when it feels like it is.  And to be honest, maybe I am just scared. It is hard not knowing what that will look like – what will come of it.

 

The good news is that God is doing a work in me and I am thankful for that!

 

Pray for us friends as we wait on the Lord.

~Kristen

The Call to Foster Care

Just like my writing, I feel that we are pursing something where we do not know the end result.  Once again, we are feeling led to pursue foster care.  We have to start over agin really.  It has been three years since we took all of our certification classes.  I guess after three years we have to take them again.  They are eight weeks long.  I can not tell you how many classes we have taken, how many times we have had a home study, and how many times we have gotten our fingerprints done.  I guess I have lost track….  The scary part is not knowing what will come of it all.  We could take the eight weeks of classes, redo our home study and never get a placement.  We could get a child and become really attached and then have them leave.  We could do all the work towards becoming recertified and have God close the door.  There is a huge list of what could happen…. But, here we are on the journey again.  Taking one step at a time.

These kids, these precious  kiddos deserve for us to take that chance.  I picture their precious faces looking at mine.  Just wanting to be loved and cared for.  They are the ones who have had the hard road. Anything that Aaron and I have to do does not compare to the road they have and will travel.  And there is a tug on my heart.  And I feel so blessed and honored and humbled that God has called us to go on this journey with Him to care for His precious children.   I am nervous and scared, but mostly excited to see what God does with all that.  To have the possibility of having a precious child in our home.

Deep breath – and bring it on… we will do what we have to do.  Until God closes the door.

When it comes to foster care, I get so many comments… people asking me if I am scared foster care will screw up my family….  hmmm…  well, first of all, I do not in any way have a perfect family to screw up.  Secondly, I am not here to live my life in any perfect or comfortable fashion.  There are so many more important things to focus on then all that.   Do we enter the world of foster care prepared?  Absolutely – as much as we can be for that journey.  But, in the end it is God who is in control. We are here to serve Him – period.  Believe me when I say that is easier said then done at times.  Of course we have concerns.  Many, in fact.  But at the end of the day I ask God to help me put myself aside and to follow Him in faith.  And that my friends is a whole other story for another day – our continued faith journey.

People ask if I am worried that our current children will be hurt when the foster child leaves.  Yes.  We are.  But, we have learned that God loves our children more than we do.  That when He puts a call on our lives, He puts it on our children’s lives as well.  He will not give any of us more than we can handle.  He will give us all the hearts and the passion to fulfill His call on our lives.

When our daughter was four years old she was crying hard one night.  She was talking about how she missed the other babies we had.  Our conversation went like this:

Hailey:

Mommy, I miss them so much. Will they ever come home?

She was hurting.  Deeply.

Me – as I am trying so hard to fight back the tears:

No sweetheart.  They will never be coming home.  This is why daddy and I are praying about if we should do foster care again.  It is hard.  It hurts. (and in my mind I am thinking: we are never doing it again)

Hailey – through her tears:

Mommy, we have to do foster care again. Because if we don’t, who will?  They need us.  They need hugs and kisses.  They need me to teach them things.

I started crying as I saw how God has worked on her sweet heart through our loss.  He has given her such a passion towards others.  He has given her a selfless heart.  He has raised her up just as He has us, to care for foster kiddos.  To love them the way they deserve to be loved.

Foster care is not for everyone – just as no call is.  But each of us have a call on our lives.  God has a special plan and purpose for all of us.  What’s yours?

God, what do YOU want for my life? How do You want use me?  What do You want me to do?  Guide me Lord. I want Your will for my life.  I want to live for You because I know that is why I am here.  Help me to know what that looks like.  Give me the courage to say yes to You and the strength for the journey. Thank you for loving me and giving me a special purpose.  One that brings glory to You.  Thank you for the blessings I receive in serving You.

~Kristen