Just like my writing, I feel that we are pursing something where we do not know the end result. Once again, we are feeling led to pursue foster care. We have to start over agin really. It has been three years since we took all of our certification classes. I guess after three years we have to take them again. They are eight weeks long. I can not tell you how many classes we have taken, how many times we have had a home study, and how many times we have gotten our fingerprints done. I guess I have lost track…. The scary part is not knowing what will come of it all. We could take the eight weeks of classes, redo our home study and never get a placement. We could get a child and become really attached and then have them leave. We could do all the work towards becoming recertified and have God close the door. There is a huge list of what could happen…. But, here we are on the journey again. Taking one step at a time.
These kids, these precious kiddos deserve for us to take that chance. I picture their precious faces looking at mine. Just wanting to be loved and cared for. They are the ones who have had the hard road. Anything that Aaron and I have to do does not compare to the road they have and will travel. And there is a tug on my heart. And I feel so blessed and honored and humbled that God has called us to go on this journey with Him to care for His precious children. I am nervous and scared, but mostly excited to see what God does with all that. To have the possibility of having a precious child in our home.
Deep breath – and bring it on… we will do what we have to do. Until God closes the door.
When it comes to foster care, I get so many comments… people asking me if I am scared foster care will screw up my family…. hmmm… well, first of all, I do not in any way have a perfect family to screw up. Secondly, I am not here to live my life in any perfect or comfortable fashion. There are so many more important things to focus on then all that. Do we enter the world of foster care prepared? Absolutely – as much as we can be for that journey. But, in the end it is God who is in control. We are here to serve Him – period. Believe me when I say that is easier said then done at times. Of course we have concerns. Many, in fact. But at the end of the day I ask God to help me put myself aside and to follow Him in faith. And that my friends is a whole other story for another day – our continued faith journey.
People ask if I am worried that our current children will be hurt when the foster child leaves. Yes. We are. But, we have learned that God loves our children more than we do. That when He puts a call on our lives, He puts it on our children’s lives as well. He will not give any of us more than we can handle. He will give us all the hearts and the passion to fulfill His call on our lives.
When our daughter was four years old she was crying hard one night. She was talking about how she missed the other babies we had. Our conversation went like this:
Mommy, I miss them so much. Will they ever come home?
She was hurting. Deeply.
Me – as I am trying so hard to fight back the tears:
No sweetheart. They will never be coming home. This is why daddy and I are praying about if we should do foster care again. It is hard. It hurts. (and in my mind I am thinking: we are never doing it again)
Hailey – through her tears:
Mommy, we have to do foster care again. Because if we don’t, who will? They need us. They need hugs and kisses. They need me to teach them things.
I started crying as I saw how God has worked on her sweet heart through our loss. He has given her such a passion towards others. He has given her a selfless heart. He has raised her up just as He has us, to care for foster kiddos. To love them the way they deserve to be loved.
Foster care is not for everyone – just as no call is. But each of us have a call on our lives. God has a special plan and purpose for all of us. What’s yours?
God, what do YOU want for my life? How do You want use me? What do You want me to do? Guide me Lord. I want Your will for my life. I want to live for You because I know that is why I am here. Help me to know what that looks like. Give me the courage to say yes to You and the strength for the journey. Thank you for loving me and giving me a special purpose. One that brings glory to You. Thank you for the blessings I receive in serving You.