I was at MOPS recently and the talk was about friendships. That is always such a big topic among women. And I believe that there are many reasons for that.
I shared that I thought we, as women, tend to hold back. We have tendencies to not be honest, vulnerable and transparent. We do not always admit that we struggle…. and we all struggle.
So, I basically shared that I think we all need to get more real, period. Well, after thinking and praying about it more, I realized there is so much more to it then that…. and I am here to share my thoughts.
There are women out there that only share the good things… and I am not saying being positive and focussing on the good in life is a negative thing – it is wonderful. But, there are those women – and okay I have at times been among them, who share their life in such a way that leaves others feeling like they don’t measure up. I am sure you all know what I am talking about.
Why is it that we do that? Brag about our lives. Highlight the good things as if to show that we have it all together. I am asking a question that I am not going to answer. I feel that there are so many ways to answer that and I am guessing it is going to be such a different answer depending on who answers it.
The point here is how do we strive to be more real? And how to we move past the fear of real?
I am an open book… probably why I like to write… I think for me, I like to know that people can relate to me. Learn from my crazy mistakes. Find hope in God through my loss and pain. That is just how I operate. So when I think about it being hard to be real, I get that and I don’t (that one is for you Love). My husband sometimes answers saying, “yes and no”.
As I said, I like when people can relate, learn and fins hope in God through my life.
Have you ever tried to be real. Share your heart and the craziness going on in life only to have the other person or people respond with only one word, “WOW”. And then nothing…. and then still nothing… awkward…
There is a fear that people will see the real me and realize that I am messed us… in my own way. That people will not get me. That maybe they will reject me. Think I am all out of sorts… well while we are on the topic I will spill the beans…. I am all out of sorts.. broken….. I am without God, that is. Through Him, I have been made new and He wants to use all of the craziness in my life for His glory… cool, huh?
What would happen if we all stopped trying to appear to “have it all together” and we just laid it all out there? What does it mean to be real?
Shoot, I don’t know for sure but I will give it my best shot….
Real is when we share the good things in life without bragging or wanting others to think we are “cool”. Even though we are, of course, cool.
Real is when we are willing to admit our faults. That things hurt. That they are hard. That we are not perfect. Real is when we are willing to open up our lives to others so that they can relate, heal, find hope.
When making a comment about the good things in life, or the bad things in life we must ask ourselves what our intentions are… are we doing it to brag? Are we saying it to complain? Or are we being real?
So let me try to sum it up since I feel I am rambling…. I think there is a time to share the hard. And times to share the good. It is all about our presentation. And part of being real is acknowledging that life has both the good and the bad. Sure, sometimes it goes in phases…. but life contains both. Lets be real… life is not always good – and life is not always bad….
If your going through a hard time right now, let me make sure and say that there are times when life gets sooo hard… and maybe your going through something that makes it hard to say something good. I get that, I have been in that spot where it is so hard to think of the good things… and I feel like during those times, I am complaining all the time…. don’t be too hard on yourself. Those times will pass. They did for me. I found strength in the Lord and asked Him to show me even just the smallest thing – a good thing – that I could focus on. And if that still didn’t work, I just asked Him to hold me and I cried…. I tried to rely on Him to give me comfort. No person can fill that spot – only God can. I think that when we complain or try to rely on people to understand and have a way to help us “fix” it, it takes our attention away from God.
So what does this have to do with friendship? I think once of the most important things in friendship is to be real.
I would love to hear from you – hear your thoughts. What holds you back from being real? Or do you feel that you are?
~Kristen
My Life's Journeys 