Shes turning 4

You never forget what it feels like to hold your baby for the first time.  You never forget bringing her home.  And I will never forget what it felt like to have her.  And I will never forget what it felt like to let her go.  No mom should ever have to do that.  I miss her.  She is going to be 4 years old in a few days… and I miss her.  I miss getting to see her grow up.  To love her through all her stages of life.  She made me stronger.  She made me a better person.  I just hate that I had to lose her.  Part of me wishes I was able to hold my heart back… and yet, she deserved to have all of it.  And that is what I gave her.  There are days, like today, that I tell God if he wants to give her back it is okay… I will always long for her.  Always.  But I know that Gods will was done and I trust Him.  I trust Him to take care of her.  But at the same time, I want to take care of her.

 

Lord God,

 

Even tough I trust You with all that I am… there are days I don’t get it.  There are days I just want her back.  Period.  Every day I want her.  Some days it hurts.  Bad. Lord, meet me here once again.  In this place I am all too familiar with.  And just hold me.  And hold my sweet precious baby girl as she turns 4.  Help her to know how precious she is.  How loved.  Thank you for the gift of her 4 years ago.

 

Once again I give her over to You and trust You!

 

Happy birthday sweet girl!  You will always be my baby girl, my “Roo”.  And I will always always love you!!!

 

I am okay.  This is just a part of what a heart goes through.  What my heart goes through after losing something so precious.  But I know that God has a plan.  I trust His plan even when I don’t get it.

 

Thanks for listening again!

 

 

~Kristen 

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