Friends lets get real

I was at MOPS recently and the talk was about friendships. That is always such a big topic among women.  And I believe that there are many reasons for that.

I shared that I thought we, as women, tend to hold back. We have tendencies to not be honest, vulnerable and transparent. We do not always admit that we struggle…. and we all struggle.

So, I basically shared that I think we all need to get more real, period.  Well, after thinking and praying about it more, I realized there is so much more to it then that…. and I am here to share my thoughts.

There are women out there that only share the good things… and I am not saying being positive and focussing on the good in life is a negative thing – it is wonderful.  But, there are those women – and okay I have at times been among them, who share their life in such a way that leaves others feeling like they don’t measure up.   I am sure you all know what I am talking about.

Why is it that we do that?  Brag about our lives.  Highlight the good things as if to show that we have it all together.  I am asking a question that I am not going to answer.  I feel that there are so many ways to answer that and I am guessing it is going to be such a different answer depending on who answers it.

The point here is how do we strive to be more real?  And how to we move past the fear of real?

I am an open book… probably why I like to write… I think for me, I like to know that people can relate to me.  Learn from my crazy mistakes. Find hope in God through my loss and pain.  That is just how I operate.  So when I think about it being hard to be real, I get that and I don’t (that one is for you Love).  My husband sometimes answers saying, “yes and no”.

As I said, I like when people can relate, learn and fins hope in God through my life.

Have you ever tried to be real.  Share your heart and the craziness going on in life only to have the other person or people respond with only one word, “WOW”.  And then nothing…. and then still nothing… awkward…

There is a fear that people will see the real me and realize that I am messed us… in my own way.  That people will not get me.  That maybe they will reject me.  Think I am all out of sorts… well while we are on the topic I will spill the beans…. I am all out of sorts.. broken….. I am without God, that is.  Through Him, I have been made new and He wants to use all of the craziness in my life for His glory… cool, huh?

What would happen if we all stopped trying to appear to “have it all together” and we just laid it all out there?  What does it mean to be real?

Shoot, I don’t know for sure but I will give it my best shot….

Real is when we share the good things in life without bragging or wanting others to think we are “cool”. Even though we are, of course, cool.

Real is when we are willing to admit our faults. That things hurt. That they are hard. That we are not perfect. Real is when we are willing to open up our lives to others so that they can relate, heal, find hope.

When making a comment about the good things in life, or the bad things in life we must ask ourselves what our intentions are… are we doing it to brag? Are we saying it to complain? Or are we being real?

So let me try to sum it up since I feel I am rambling…. I think there is a time to share the hard. And times to share the good. It is all about our presentation. And part of being real is acknowledging that life has both the good and the bad. Sure, sometimes it goes in phases…. but life contains both. Lets be real… life is not always good – and life is not always bad….

If your going through a hard time right now, let me make sure and say that there are times when life gets sooo hard… and maybe your going through something that makes it hard to say something good. I get that, I have been in that spot where it is so hard to think of the good things… and I feel like during those times, I am complaining all the time…. don’t be too hard on yourself. Those times will pass. They did for me. I found strength in the Lord and asked Him to show me even just the smallest thing – a good thing – that I could focus on. And if that still didn’t work, I just asked Him to hold me and I cried…. I tried to rely on Him to give me comfort. No person can fill that spot – only God can. I think that when we complain or try to rely on people to understand and have a way to help us “fix” it, it takes our attention away from God.

So what does this have to do with friendship?  I think once of the most important things in friendship is to be real.

I would love to hear from you – hear your thoughts.  What holds you back from being real?  Or do you feel that you are?

~Kristen

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Friends lets get real

  1. Deep topic! I tend to be very real with those who have already earned my trust, but I can admit to being a bit superficial with others. I can honestly state the reason because it’s a quality I’ve examined about myself. It takes a great deal of energy and emotion to open oneself up to being vulnerable; especially since true friends are hard to come by. Add to that the trauma of being burned by someone we’ve become transparent to, then it’s almost second-nature to keep things on the surface with future friendships. In addition, the older we get, the more likely it is that friends will be drawn into our families. Since women tend to guard their families more fiercly than their own hearts, it can become quite difficult for them to risk a new, deep relationship. In the end it boils down to trust…for me at least. It takes a lot of prayer and an exceptional person for me to take the plunge from acquaintance to friend.

  2. I have learned who I can be open and “real” with and who I can’t. I WANT to real and put it all out there all the time, but I don’t think I do. Sometimes my mentality is that I don’t know if other people could really “handle” hearing all that I have inside. Does that make sense? I might bring them down-or they may think I can’t handle anything thrown my way. Reality is, I can’t handle it all. That’s where my faith comes into play. Thankfully, I have Jesus, Who can handle it all for me and clean up the mess of my everyday life. When others feel that same way, I can be real with them. When they don’t go deeper with me, I tend to stay on the surface with them. I guess that would be my fault for not taking the first step towards someone else. What sticks in my mind is Proverbs 4:23 that says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” I tend to guard my heart….I wonder if that’s what others are doing, too?

  3. Touchy and deep topic. But I am with most people I think. I tell the good the bad and the ugly with people whom I can FULLY TRUST. I do not feel comfortable telling just anyone what is going on in my life. Mostly due to the fact I have come to realize that if I tell someone something good or bad going on in my life they usually try to one up it. IE… I got a new car… oh I got a BMW. Or my daughter was in the hospital last night…. oh I have been sick for three weeks now. Therefore I am very offstandish when it comes to telling someone personal things good or bad in my life. But I agree we should probably try to be more open and honest about the good and bad in our lives trusting that others will just either listen and comfort you or congratulate you on the positives.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s