I had the most precious conversation with my daughter Aleah before she turned 3. For weeks. Every night.
Aleah said, “Mommy, what color eyes do you have?”
Aleah, “Mommy, what color eyes do I have?”
Aleah sadly says, “Mommy, I want bwown eyes like you.”
Me, “Honey, your blue eyes are beautiful. I wouldn’t change a thing”.
Aleah put her little hands on my face and said, “But Mommy, I want bwown like you.”
It melts my heart to know how much she loves me. How much she looks up to me and wants to be just like me. It is an honor.
It makes me realize that I need to be worth looking up to. Not on the outside but on the inside. I need to be the person God made me. I want her to see God when she looks in my brown eyes. I want her to know and feel how loved she is. How precious. I want her to see what life is all about. What is important. I want to set an example for her.
This precious conversation with my daughter makes me want to be a better person. It makes me want to change to be more like Jesus. It makes me realize that who I am is some of what they want to be.
I want a heart like Jesus. So that when my beautiful daughters look at me they see how to live. Good thing I have the Lord. Because I could not do it on my own.
I love the precious gift of my children.
You never forget what it feels like to hold your baby for the first time. You never forget bringing her home. And I will never forget what it felt like to have her. And I will never forget what it felt like to let her go. No mom should ever have to do that. I miss her. She is going to be 4 years old in a few days… and I miss her. I miss getting to see her grow up. To love her through all her stages of life. She made me stronger. She made me a better person. I just hate that I had to lose her. Part of me wishes I was able to hold my heart back… and yet, she deserved to have all of it. And that is what I gave her. There are days, like today, that I tell God if he wants to give her back it is okay… I will always long for her. Always. But I know that Gods will was done and I trust Him. I trust Him to take care of her. But at the same time, I want to take care of her.
Even tough I trust You with all that I am… there are days I don’t get it. There are days I just want her back. Period. Every day I want her. Some days it hurts. Bad. Lord, meet me here once again. In this place I am all too familiar with. And just hold me. And hold my sweet precious baby girl as she turns 4. Help her to know how precious she is. How loved. Thank you for the gift of her 4 years ago.
Once again I give her over to You and trust You!
Happy birthday sweet girl! You will always be my baby girl, my “Roo”. And I will always always love you!!!
I am okay. This is just a part of what a heart goes through. What my heart goes through after losing something so precious. But I know that God has a plan. I trust His plan even when I don’t get it.
Thanks for listening again!
First thing that comes to mind is BLESSED! So blessed! Our two sweet precious girls have filled up our lives! They call me mommy everyday. They hug me. They tell me that they love me. We laugh together. Play hard. Enjoy each moment. I have the honor and the privilege of raising them. I am indeed blessed.
Mothers day also bring to mind that I am blessed to call my mom, mom. What an amazing women she is. A women who loves the Lord with all her heart. Who loves my daddy with all shes got. Who is a precious Nana to my children. And who has walked though EVERYTHING in my life with me. Often times holding me along the journey. She is my role model. My hero. And the type of mom that I pray I become. She is one of my very best friends.
I am blessed by the legacy of my Grandmother, whom we call Nonnie! She was an amazing women of God who loved her family well!
I am blessed to have the two precious babies that God gave us for just a short time. To love them and hold them close. To have them love me in return. I will always love them and hold them in my heart. My dear sweet precious baby girl will always be just that – my dear sweet precious baby girl - I miss you today honey but thank God for the time I had with you even if it was too short.
Thank you Lord, for blessing me this mothers day and always. For giving me so many to love!
“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you”, declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.”
Amen to that!!
I have been feeling off lately and trying to figure out why. I miss my Grandma. I miss my sweet little girl. There have been doors closed that I didn’t think would be. And all the while I am feeling a little lost. And I am trying to find myself. I was chatting with my mom tonight and she said that I am defined by Christ. Not by what I do. Yah, I know that… but yet, I don’t live like I know that – at least not lately. I need to be praying that God will reveal His plan for my life and what He wants me to do… I need to let go of everything I thought I would be or thought I would do and hold tightly to the truth that God designed me. He knows the plans He has for my life. I need to put my hand in the Lords, quite trying to figure it out – and let Him lead. I have been so busy lately trying to “find myself” when what I need to do it surrender myself. My life is His. I am here for one purpose. I spend so much time planning what’s next and what I should be and what I want to be. So, what do I do? (Besides stop running around trying to find me and define me). I sit still – I listen – and I obey. Just be. Where God wants me. Where God calls me. Be who He made me to be. Be defined not by what I do but by Christ. Life is a journey, my friends. But one that is filled with so much hope and joy and purpose when lived for Christ.
Last night at 9 pm I went in to check on Aleah who was having a hard time falling asleep and she just had the giggles. There is no sound better in the whole world then when a child giggles. She said, “mama, lay by me”. So I did. And she just started to laugh. Her laughter is so contagious that we were both laughing so hard. I laid there looking at that sweet little face and those little hands that were holding mine and thinking, “WOW! I am so blessed.” I enjoyed that time with her. She teaches me not to take life too seriously… and to laugh. Laugh at everything – laugh at nothing – just laugh.
My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart.